New self

This week marks four weeks that I did something very special for myself. Now, I am not the type of person to spend lavishly on me. No, I'd rather bless those around me; be a giver of fruit rather than a taker of seed. It's true that I am better at giving gifts rather than receiving them. But that's ok with me, I am happy with that.

The truth of the matter is that I have seen how generously Almighty God has blessed me. When I step back and look at my life, I can see every way He has taken care of me. My beautiful wife, my wonderful children, my home, my job, my journey in life, everything. Even in the trials and struggle, He is there, covering me, protecting me, helping me to be more like Him. So all of His generous, lavish giving unto me, makes me feel somewhat undeserving (if that's a word) when it comes to getting even a little bit more. It is very much a struggle to accept even the smallest article from someone. I don't want to come out on top. I already am on top. Look at my life. Look at my 'garden'. Look at me. I am already on top.

So I am pondering all this because of a link to a TV show my friend Jack sent me last night: The Secret Millionaire. The story follows several millionaires in America that spend 6 days living amongst those in poverty. The purpose of their weeklong journey is to connect with and give at least $100,000 of their own money to people they meet. The charade is for the millionaires to come along side the poverty stricken, cloaked as one of them, and then after the week is over, reveal their true identity and offer the money gift.

The millionaires come from all variety of living, some spending 4 to 5 grand on a dinner meal, without breaking a sweat.

The episode I watched last night was that of a restauranteur who owns several fast-food chains. Now being a restaurant guy myself, I somewhat could relate to this guy. He was married with 2 children (a boy and a girl) and had a great house and just about anything he wanted he could have. There were no limitations on his finances.

So this couple from Baton Rouge are set up to spend a week living in a fifth-wheel trailer with only $107 cash. The trailer is located in one of the towns hit by hurricane Katrina; hit so hard that the residents are still rebuilding the town, several years later.

This couple gets a huge wake-up call when they meet and work along-side the spearheads rebuilding the town. They meet 3 different people during the week and are so touched by their stories about how they are pouring out their lives, selflessly for others. It was very moving. So much so, that even I became misty-eyed at the end of the show when the millionaire husband and wife were reassmbling themselves with their real clothes to confess to the people that they were in fact imposters. Imposters on a mission to give them money to help them with their cause. It was really a great concept; I am sure their money ($300,000) was very much needed and used to provide the materials that these people needed to rebuild their town.

The questions that resonated in my head when it was over was: How can they put on their diamonds and rolexes and two thousand dollar suits when they go to reveal their true identity? How can they do that so easily? How can they just go back to their mansion and press on with their old lives? It really troubled me like a constant nagging drip from the kitchen faucet. How can they, David, how can they, how do they, how did they?

I couldn't do it. Go back to the cars and houses and stuff; playing make-believe with myself. I am happy with this new self. This bright shining lamp that is burning inside me. Let it shine Lord, Let it shine!